The holidays are upon us. For some, there comes a sense of joy, excitement, and warmth at the thought of time with family, friends, and togetherness. For others, there’s an immense weight that can feel heavier than other times of the year. The weight can be internal and external pressure and expectations, feeling more or less emotions, and an increasing sense of overwhelm and stress.
When our nervous systems and bodies are overloaded and experiencing stress, they tend to kick into high gear to take care of us. Sometimes this means we go into survival mode – fight, flight, or freeze. This process takes us out of our “window of tolerance,” and we feel less like ourselves. For some people, this can happen more quickly than others—it depends on how wide our “window” is. This is impacted by developmental trauma, overwhelming life experiences, and chronic stress.
The “window of tolerance” is a term used to describe the zone of arousal our nervous systems are in where it performs most effectively. When survival energy kicks in, our nervous system gets activated, and we may go out of our window and into “fight/flight” or “ON” [hyper-arousal] or “freeze” or “OFF” [hypoarousal].
So how do you know when you are in your “window”:
You feel more like “yourself”
You have a sense of ease and confidence
Emotions are manageable
You feel a sense of connectedness with yourself and others
You can take in information, solve problems, and make better choices
How do you know when you are out of your “window”? Well… this can be hard to figure out. It’s different for everyone, but here are some things to look for:
Fight/flight, stuck “ON”, sympathetic arousal in your nervous system:
You feel anxious, restless, and unable to relax
You feel more overwhelmed and less in control of emotions
You react more defensively or impulsively
You can’t think clearly and making decision is hard
Your thoughts race, become cyclic, or obsessive
Freeze, stuck “OFF”, parasympathetic arousal in your nervous system:
You feel low motivation and energy
You feel flat, numb, and cut off from feelings
You feel mentally shut down, can’t think clearly, or reacting as if on autopilot
You feel cut off or disconnected from your body, emotions, and yourself
So what can you do if you’re stuck in one or both of these places?
It varies from person to person. If you’re working with a counselor, they can work with you to figure out what activities or skills might help. Below are some ideas of things you can try on your own.
When stuck in FIGHT/FLIGHT, you want to decrease activation in your system:
Tracking sensations in the body or outside the body – what do you hear, smell, taste, feel, see? Let your thoughts float away. Try to focus only on the sensations.
Focusing on something in the room or outside that brings you more comfort than how you currently feel
Mindfully drinking or eating (tea, hot chocolate, or eating something chewy but smooth such as a tootsie roll)
Diaphragmatic breathing (deep and slow tummy breathing)
Splashing cold water on face
Taking hot or cold shower
Sitting under a weighted blanket
Listening to soothing/calming music
Going for a walk – try to tap into your 5 senses – sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch
Heavy work (lifting, pulling, pushups, other exercise, etc.)
When stuck in FREEZE, you want to increase activation in your nervous system:
Anything that stimulates the 5 senses – sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch
Smelling essential oils (smell is the fastest way to the thinking brain - where other strategies are!)
Movement/exercise – jumping on trampoline, sitting on bouncy ball or in a rocking chair
Sitting under a weighted blanket
Petting or playing with your pet
Dancing and music
Download the iChill app for key skills to increasing awareness of when you’re “out of your window” and increasing resilience. The app will walk you through how to develop and work on these skills: https://www.traumaresourceinstitute.com/ichill-app/ichill-app-1
If you’re finding that your “window” is very small, or you are not in your window much of the time, working with a counselor can you help expand your window of tolerance so that you are more able to cope with challenges. Working with someone with training in Somatic Experiencing®, a type of therapy focused on trauma resolution through working with the nervous system, can be highly effective. Wishing you peace, connectedness, and warmth this holiday season.
Take good care,
Caitlin
About the Author:
Caitlin Brandl, MS, PCLC
Caitlin has experience working with adults who have experienced all types of trauma, grief/loss, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, relationship and career stress, and difficult life transitions, including military and adjustment issues. Some of the populations she has worked with include parents of special needs children, individuals dealing with relationship conflicts including domestic and sexual violence, and people living with traumatic and acquired brain injuries. Currently, Caitlin is a Professional Counselor Licensure Candidate (PCLC) with a MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling (specialization in Trauma and Crisis Counseling) from Walden University. She is working toward licensure under the supervision of Rachael Dunkel, LCPC, LAC, NBCC.
She is driven by the belief that at our core, we are hard-wired for connection and a sense of belonging. To her, connection means that you feel seen, heard, valued, and energized from the relationship. Her intention is to help you explore and address ways you are “stuck,” discover your strengths, develop resilience, and make choices that lead to more fulfilling relationships and a balanced, healthy life. Her goal is to support, encourage, and be a tenacious advocate for you during this time.
