“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

The other day I was reading the news and was struck by a brief moment of despair. I thought, “Every day brings more and more bad news….” The truth is that we do live in a very challenging time in history. On social media, television and news sources we are fed a plethora of proof of bad news. We see evidence of natural disasters, hatred and divisiveness in humanity as well as acts of violence in everyday settings. Living during this time can really take a toll on mental health and wellbeing. If this is something that resonates with you, know that you are not alone in this struggle.

Many people seek out counseling to cope with mental health symptoms which are often impacted by the uninterrupted access to information at our fingertips. If you find yourself getting swept up in a sense of hopelessness, I encourage you to look for the light during these times. Hold on to hope for what our world can become. Choosing hope, despite all of the grief, can make an incredible impact on our world.

In 1991, positive psychologist Charles Snyder and his colleagues developed “Hope Theory”. This theory is founded on the premise that hope creates a sense of determination, strengthens motivation and fosters agency. Charles Snyder and his colleagues researched this concept and found that hope creates a dynamic motivational system which drives individuals to achieve their goals. Hope theory emphasizes that hopeful thinking fuels individuals to believe they can achieve goals as well as helps to foster creativity which can promote problem solving.

Comparatively, “Hope Theorists” found that individuals who lack hope, tend to set goals that do not challenge them nor offer them opportunities for growth. These people tend to fail and/or quit, which can result in ongoing and increased feelings of helplessness and lack of control. They often do not believe they have an impact on their own futures. Many of us have felt this way at some point in our lives, it is normal to experience periods of darkness and despair.

The other day when I felt discouraged by the news, I turned inward and found comfort in the vision of what the power of hope could do on a larger scale. I urge you to consider how we can use the ideas I laid out above to impact larger communities. Hope helps to unite individuals in visions of what we, as a whole, can become. People can then work together to meet shared goals for our collective future. And with hope to fuel us, I believe that things can change for the better.

A question that may arise for you as you read this is how to find hope when you have lost it. A sense of hopelessness may be part of what brought you to this blog and our website. For many, hopelessness may be a source of shame, and we understand that there are many influences that could impact your levels of hope. This is where counseling can help. The clinicians at Bridger Peaks Counseling wholeheartedly believe in the power of the therapeutic relationship. We can listen and sit with you as you explore the ways that you have lost hope, and we can also help you to discover what you value in life and what inspires you to hope. We have seen many clients develop an incredible sense of hope through the growth done in therapy.

On some level, the simple act of calling to schedule an appointment with a counselor can give a sense of relief to someone who has been struggling with mental health symptoms. This is the first step towards motivation and taking action in your life. If you have already started your journey into a counseling relationship, we commend you for taking such a brave and vulnerable step towards hope. If you have yet to start, we are here, and you are not alone.

Rand, & Cheavens, J. S. (2009). Hope theory. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Oxford library of psychology. The Oxford handbook of positive psychology (p. 323–333). Oxford University Press.

Snyder, C. (2002). Hope Theory: Rainbows in the Mind. Psychological Inquiry, 13(4), 249-275. Retrieved from www.jstor.org/stable/1448867

Larsen D., Edey W., and Lemay L., (2007). Understanding the role of hope in counselling: Exploring the intentional uses of hope, Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 20:4, 401-416, DOI: 10.1080/09515070701690036

AUTUMN CLOWES, MS, PCLC

Autumn believes that each individual and every couple has within them the capacity for growth and profound strength. She loves helping the people and working with them to feel empowered to face and overcome challenges and shed the debilitating effects of shame.

Her strengths include working with people who have experienced trauma, issues surrounding sexuality and sexual orientation, grief and loss, and self harming behaviors. She also has a deep desire to help people who struggle with addictive behaviors to conquer the guilt and shame that often go along with those struggles.

We are nearing the end of another holiday season and will be quickly confronted with a brand new year, new decade, and of course, new year’s resolutions. Tied to those new year’s resolutions is an interchangeable phrase that transfers over, year after year; “New Year, New Me.”

“New year, new me” seems to embody the essence of new year’s resolutions. We assess ourselves, decide how we can be better, and then resolve to make changes for the following year, often with finite goals that will make this new year better than the last.

Setting goals for ourselves can be a healthy aspect of evolving as a human being, however, I find this phrase, “new year, new me” a bit triggering. It seems to imply that perhaps one isn’t good enough, just as they are and therefore needing to create a newer, better version of self. Often lost is the self-love and gentleness of embracing the process of life.

I’d like to see a push for more self-acceptance. We live in a world filled with images and information telling us that we aren’t enough, but with just a few changes, we could be healthier, happier, and better than ever. By accepting ourselves in the here and now, heck, even choosing to love ourselves, we can than shift the expectation that we will only be happier when we reach certain goals, that are often superficial and create short term happiness. Instead, we choose to be present with ourselves, reflecting inwardly and uncovering parts of ourselves that may need more time and energy.

So what if we change the phrase? Instead of “new year, new me” we alter just one word, setting an entirely new tone to the phrase. What if “new” becomes “know” generating a phrase that shifts the focus from altering our current self to choosing to connect, understand, and ultimately know ourselves more deeply. Perhaps knowing what we might need to make life better without the pressure or expectation that we can only be happy when we accomplish our finite goals.

Psychology Today recommends asking these simple questions:

Source: www.terigoetz.com

These three questions allow us to tap into our own thoughts and experiences, challenging us to embrace ourselves. This act of love could propel you to a much more rewarding new year, and setting the foundation for you to “know” you.

Creating time to know ourselves could take many different forms. It may mean spending more quality time with loved ones, free from distractions. Perhaps it might entail dedicating more time for self-care to reduce overall stressors that the daily grind can raise. Maybe, there is a yearning for an intrinsic spiritual connection that could be explored in the coming year. It also might be changing the inner dialogue that is often so harsh we would not repeat it out loud. It allows the space for you to grow personally without time constraints or boxes to check.

As we approach the start of a new year, I encourage you to consider how well you know yourself and your needs. 365 days of more self-love, more knowledge, the patience to be present with yourself, could create the strongest relationship you may have ever had that will continue on for years to come. Perhaps, when “new” becomes “know,” our experiences with new year’s resolutions will be more fruitful and fulfilling that one could ever imagine.

Be well,

Dani

I am enough. When you hear that, do you believe it? To me, being “enough” is worthy of love, self-care, taking up space, and feeling capable of handling all the emotions, challenges and victories that come with life. Sometimes, our beliefs can navigate us away from a place that we feel we are enough. Dani wants you to help you own the belief you are enough, take away any doubt you may have and embody being enough and everything that comes with it.

She believes connection is vital to a positive therapeutic experience. She connects with my clients by creating a space for you to show up just as you are and meet you there. She takes an eclectic approach that is rooted in person-centered and strength based, with a focus on your needs and goals. After all, therapy is about you.

The Power of Hope in a Often Perilous World

AUTUMN CLOWES, MS, PCLC

New Year, Know Me