WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER STARTS TO FEEL LIKE A ROOMMATE
It hurts, after all this time together, when you realize your soulmate has started to feel more like a roommate. Maybe you’re not labeling your food with whose is whose, but neither are you as close as you once were.
After time together, life starts to settle in and it’s easy for us as couples to drift apart if we aren’t diligent and intentional in our actions in making sure we stay close and connected.
We often get so busy with our daily responsibilities we start taking each other for granted and just survive living side by side. But the goal of a relationship is not to just survive it. It’s important to keep our relationships healthy and strong.
To do this, we need to invest time and effort on a consistent basis. Our relationships are important. We want to be close and connected. Try these tools to get there.
Be a Teammate and Work Together
When was the last time you worked side by side spending time working toward the same end goal? Where else do you, or have you worked as a teammate? In your career? On a sports team? Some of the things you do in these realms as a helpful teammate are the same things that can apply to home life and relationships. Be willing to compromise with each other to work together more successfully; each contributing your own unique strengths for a higher possibility of succeeding together.
Try to:
Resolve conflicts.
Let’s jump right in! You might be thinking, “Uh, if this were not already an issue, we wouldn’t be here! We are all bound to disagree sometimes. Stop! Listen to each other with an open mind and look for solutions in satisfying both of your needs. Working out your differences can bring you closer together. (Working from a safe space is the best bet for success in any communication! Here’s how)
Express gratitude.
Let your partner know how much you appreciate them. Praise them when they do something kind and tell them how they make your life more joyful. This can be hard when we are upset. Look for the things you appreciate about your person and spend some time focusing on these, then share them.
Know the definition of what you are fighting about.
Take money as an example. This is a common source of friction for many couples. Being honest with each other about your habits and expectations is important, but talk about your different definitions of what this means and looks like for each of you. One may feel there has to be a year’s worth of savings for security, while the other is looking to pay the bills each month and have a little extra on hand. If you don’t know that what you’re fighting about has different meanings, the fight will feel cyclical. Start with a definition in conflict.
Set goals together.
Relationships thrive when partners evolve together. Talk about your values and dreams. Shared goals give a sense of purpose and direction. When your vision is clear, you can make concrete plans for how to spend your time and energy.
Make decisions, together.
The choices you make affect your partner too. Being able to reach an agreement on important matters demonstrates your trust and respect for each other. (Revisit the link on #1 if you’re unsure how to communicate through this.)
Plan, together.
While there are unexpected things happen in life. There are many transitions you can anticipate. So that you have more time to adjust, talk about, and be prepared for things like parenthood and retirement. Remember to define your words!
Living Together as a Couple
With a roommate, you’re probably satisfied if they pay their share of the bills and occasionally do their dishes and clean the bathroom. With a partner, we expect much more.
Try these:
Prioritize your relationship.
Keep the connection with your partner at the front of your mind and at the top of your to-do list. Building your connection comes first. Let go of little things. Focus on what you love about them. I recall someone sharing with me that she was so bothered by her spouse walking “so loud!” She was after him about it and it was often an issue between them. When he suddenly passed, she told me she would give anything, not only to hear those footsteps, but take an open toothpaste tube on the counter, and more.
Think about the important things to address and talk about them in a way that will be helpful, not hurtful, to the relationship, and let the other things go. At the same time, do not allow yourself to be walked all over or your kindness to be taken advantage of.
Schedule vacations sometimes and date nights often.
Upset your norm by enjoying some time with one another free from daily stress. Take turns planning your date times. Have dinner and a movie at times and think of unusual ideas. It’s also okay to stay home at times. I often encourage couples to make a list. Under one category is “to do at home,” while under the other is “things to do away from home.” Start your list! The away things can be small enough for a date, and big enough for a vacation. Get away from the day-to-day norm.
Liven up your conversations.
When was the last time you talked about something other than issues at home, pets, or kids? Find out what your partner thinks about anything. Ask each other questions from what their favorite things are to what they want out of life.
Pursue your passions.
Do things alone AND together. Hopefully, you know what you enjoy. Do these things sometimes and find hobbies you both enjoy. Try badminton, building Legos or sign up for master’s classes and enjoy shared learning.
Consider relationship counseling or relationship coaching.
When you need more help seeing a professional therapist or licensed coach could enable you to change old habits, moving you forward more quickly in a positive direction with your relationship.
Bringing life back into a relationship is hard, but it can be worth it. You regain a companion who’s on your side and a partner to share your load, all without having to label your food!
Begin Working With A Bozeman Therapist
If you are feeling that you need help to improve your relationship, our team of caring therapists would be honored to help you in reigniting your relationship’s flame. You can start your therapy journey with Bridger Peaks Counseling by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start becoming the best version of yourself!
Other Services Offered with Bridger Peaks Counseling
Our team of caring counselors at Bridger Peaks Counseling is happy to provide a variety of mental health services. Our team is happy to offer adult counseling, teen counseling, group therapy, rising strong workshops, and marriage counseling. Furthermore, we provide anxiety therapy, depression treatment, substance use counseling, and online grief counseling. Along with EMDR, postpartum depression support, body image therapy, and psychiatric care.