A Journey Towards Vulnerability & Authentic Relationships

I’m sitting here writing this with a very full heart. I think the best times to write things are when your heart is very full, with either joy or sorrow. Thankfully, I am writing today with a heart full of joy. When I reflect on what pieces of life can fill a heart with joy—or sorrow—I think first about communities. I have a community of people who care for me, love me, and correct me when I need it. But this was not always the case.

Self Isolation From Friends & Family in Bozeman, MT

For many years I lived a life believing that I was completely, tragically, unjustly alone and unloved. I bemoaned the circumstances of my life and knew, just knew if people actually knew me, they wouldn’t like me. So, I preemptively made that decision for them and then swam in my own sea of sadness. But wait, didn’t I start out saying my heart was full of joy? You’re right, and great catch! So, what happened then? How did I get from an isolated existence to a group of friends who support and choose to love one another? Well, it was difficult and uncomfortable. But, I will lay out the basics of my journey here in a hope that it will give you some guideposts to use.

Reaching Out & Setting boundaries in Bozeman, MT

Addressing my own mental health

First, I had to ask hard questions about myself. I evaluated who I felt I was and how I interacted with everyone around me. I discovered that I was living a life based on fear. I was afraid that if people saw me, the truest, most real me, I would be too much, and then I would be rejected—and that would hurt even more than my imagined rejection. So, I hid in a shroud of self-deprecating humor and stoicism.

Questioning my fears

Next, I demanded evidence about the rejection I ardently claimed I felt. And honestly, there was evidence of rejection—plenty of it. But, more than that, there was general confusion. My friends were confused about how to treat me when I would seemingly seek out companionship and then balk at any hint that they wanted to know me better. I was confused about myself, too. How could I call out for acceptance and dance away from any form of intimacy? 

Being Brave & Sharing Pieces of Myself

With this in mind, the next step was very, very hard. I had to be brave. I had to be bold. I tiptoed into the world, reaching out to the friends who had stuck it out with me throughout my confusing waltz in and out of their lives. I made the first move. I shared pieces of myself, small pieces that I felt were a bit sturdier than the rest of me. And I held my breath, bracing for the hard rebuff that could maybe shatter me. But, it didn’t come.

I couldn’t believe it. I shared me and didn’t get tossed out? This bolstered my resilience little by little until I was able to share bigger pieces. It was and is a slow process. I am not trying to fool you into thinking that there has never been hurt, sometimes even hurt I wondered if I could heal from, but, the times where I was seen and loved anyway, loved because of and despite my quirks, those are times I would not ever change. So, my community was built on a conscious effort to seek out safe people and practice being vulnerable. It. Is. So. Scary. It’s hard. However, it is worth it. 

Healthy Communities & Mental Health in Bozeman, MT

If you’re wondering what a healthy community looks like, here are some fundamentals:

• Your people should respect your boundaries and be okay with slow progress at times.

• Relationships should have a mutual give and take—there will be times you take more than you give and give more than you take, but it should not only be one way all the time.

• You should feel okay being transparent.

• There should be a feeling of respect and consideration.

• You should be challenged. 

Final Thoughts From a Therapist in Bozeman, MT

None of us is perfect, and that means our communities won’t be either. Strive for health over perfection and when in doubt, I like to err on the side of giving a little more grace. Looking back, it is the times when I have been extended unmerited favor that has shown me how compassionate people can be, and I want to be this for others, too. Keep in mind that there is not one person on this earth who can be everything for you all the time.

Your community will need you, too. It will benefit from your strengths and individuality. If you’re looking for a new community that makes your heart full of joy, take an honest look at your circumstances. I believe you have the power to make changes for a healthier you. It is going to take risks. Along with so much courage! We are here for you, and I am excited to see what’s next. 

Begin Family Counseling for Mental Health in Bozeman, MT

At Bridger Peaks Counseling we understand that building a healthy community can feel hard when trying it alone. Marriage and family therapy in Bozeman, MT can help you take the first step in setting boundaries in your community. Our team of skilled Bozeman counselors is here to help you through the process. We will walk with you as you build the courage to step out and start setting boundaries within your healthy community. Start by scheduling an appointment at our Bozeman, MT counseling practice today.

Other services for mental health Bozeman, MT.

At Bridger Peaks Counseling in Bozeman, MT we offer many mental health services. Looking to attend individual therapy? We offer therapy for stress, anxiety counseling, and depression therapy. To process past trauma, we offer EMDR Therapy. For mothers, our Bozeman, MT therapists can provide postpartum depression counseling. At Bridger Peaks, we offer in-person services at our Bozeman counseling practice or online therapy in Montana.

Mercedes Machado

BS, Counseling Intern

Generating Energy in Nature as a Contemplative Practice

In recent years, the practice of “forest bathing”, that is mindful time spent in nature with no agenda, has gained major traction as a therapeutic exercise. Research studies on the subject have proven that the forest environment significantly increased parasympathetic nervous system activity and significantly decreased sympathetic activity in subjects (J. Lee, et. Al, 2011). However, the idea of finding healing within nature is hardly new. In Taoist tradition, it is known that the primordial energy of the Tao is present in all of nature, and the strongest concentration of energy is found in the sun, moon, stars, rocks, and earth (Wong E., 1997).

The practice of absorbing energy through nature was first described by the Shang-ch’ing Taoists. One such practice is called ingesting the essence of the sun and the moon, and it is achieved through visualizing images of the sun and moon and directing that energy directly into the mouth and thus into the body. In the present-day version of this practice, you gaze directly at the sun, moon, and stars in order to absorb the energy from celestial bodies. The cultivation of chi is possible through the practice of eating vapor. The mist that floats between the earth and the sky carries vital energy that can be absorbed through the mouth and stored into the heart. Rocks and soil carry a high concentration of generative energy due to the belief that during creation, when sky and earth became separated, the heavy energy sank into the earth. It is believed that by absorbing the essence of the earth, generative energy can be replenished in the body. The practitioner does this by coming in contact with the earth by pressing both soles of the feet into it or by lying with one’s back on the ground. Rocks and stone are the most powerful sources of earth energy (Wong E., 1997).

I found myself most intrigued by the practice of absorbing energy from rocks given that I live in the mountainous west where enormous rocks rising into the sky are the most prominent feature of the landscape. I think upon learning of this Taoist practice of absorbing energy from nature, there was a young part of me that feels validated in my own experience of finding healing in nature. For as long as I can remember I sought out solace by being alone in the woods. I grew up in rural Iowa and my neighborhood backed up to timberlands with a creek running through it. In the summer I loved to bring my books to the creek to sit on a big rock and read. I chose a big rock in the middle of the creek, my own island. This is where I felt most peaceful, hearing the sound of the rushing water on all sides of me. Spending time in nature as a child has shaped me into the person I am now. I feel that my natural inclination to want to be alone outside led me to foster an appreciation for the natural world and all its teachings. I feel most at home with myself in natural settings because it gives me space. When I am outside without a roof above me; I feel like my thoughts are able to float right out from the top of my head into the air, when their usual inclination is to ping-pong around in my head incessantly. When I am in nature, I feel as though I am part of a consciousness greater than just myself, something mystical and unspoken. It is not as though all my problems disappear when I am in nature, quite the contrary.

Often when I find myself secluded outside; I unexpectedly meet my feelings of grief in an intense outpouring of emotion. Deep, wracking sobs burst forth from me and for once I don’t hold them back for fear of someone hearing. I am alone, but the trees, rocks, and soil bear witness to my sorrow. They stand as silent observers to my grief but they do not judge, they stand in solidarity for they too know deep sorrow, as well as joy. It is while in nature that I feel most unbounded in my full range of expression. I know my public self to be soft-spoken and shy, very afraid to be seen as unagreeable. When I am alone in nature, I have no fear. I feel free to scream, cry, yell, and sing if I feel like it. I don’t have to hold back because I know my emotions will never be too much for the wind, trees, and rocks that surround me. There is no roof for my joy, and I am allowed full, unabashed expression by singing, dancing, and skipping among the trees and rocks. The filter between my private self and public self-dissolves and I allow myself to simply be.

I don’t know that I have yet mastered the practice of cultivating chi through contact with the earth, but I do know that when I’m in nature I feel as though I am always held by the world. I am among friends and will be accepted for all that I am. When I am lying with my back on a boulder, I can feel the essence of the earth coming to meet me. I feel as though I am rooted there on that rock and my flesh and bones become part of this earth through the crust, mantle, all the way to the molten core. I am a fixed point upon this floating sphere, with a continuous loop of energy shared between me and the earth as a whole. I now recognize this intentional act of physical contact with the earth as a regenerative practice. I share my whole self with the natural world without fear and in return I am renewed with vital energy. I feel that this combined with the acceptance I am able to foster toward myself while in nature is most healing and rejuvenating. Time in nature is my most cherished spiritual practice and I look forward to
honing it with time and guidance to include intentional energy work between myself and the earth.

I want to express my sincere gratitude for this natural world of ours, the earth, moon, and stars. I am incredibly lucky to be amongst such natural beauty as the mountains. I’m from the land of prairie and rolling hills so a landscape of mountains feels especially harsh and unforgiving. Lately though, I have begun to feel the power and strength in the rocks. I love how the land rises and boulders continue to grow in size until they become mountains. I feel my own power and bravery in the presence of such ancient beings.

I grew up outside and I love that I am able to come home to myself through nature now as an adult. This part of me had been lost for some time and was greatly missed. I feel that my

recent knowledge about centuries old Taoist traditions has validated very old parts of myself that have always found peace in nature. The child in me has always known the magical qualities of the natural world, and I now know these marvels don’t exist solely in my imagination.

References

J. Lee, B.-J. Park, Y. Tsunetsugu, T. Ohira, T. Kagawa, Y. Miyazaki, Effect of forest bathing on physiological and psychological responses in young Japanese male subjects, Public Health, Volume 125, Issue 2, 2011, Pages 93-100, ISSN 0033-3506

Wong. E. (1997). Taoism: An Essential Guide. "Cultivating the Body". Boston: Shambhala Publications

Wong, E. (2015). Being Taoist: wisdom for living a balanced life. Boston: Shambhala Publications.

Author:

Ella Nagle, MA, PCLC