...Tips on Self-Care

A BOZEMAN COUNSELOR’S TIPS ON SELF-CARE

Self-care. It’s like a buzz word right now. And what does it even mean to “self-care” (buzz, buzz)? Merriam-Webster tells us that self-care is literally “care for oneself.”  That really clears things up for me. I feel fully read up on and understand what to do now.  

Sarcasm aside, as a Bozeman counselor, as a mom, as a wife, as a human, I can tell you, self-care is so very important. But honestly, why do we need it, what exactly is it, and what does it look like?

Stress Arises From An Empty Bucket

Image of a metal bath tub outside in nature. Self-care is crucial for our physical and mental health in Bozeman, MT. 59715. Find a place to start with a therapist in Bozeman, MT 59715. It starts with therapy for stress in Bozeman, MT 59718.

You may have heard me talk about keeping your bucket full before. Imagine yourself carrying around a bucket full of water. Our job, as humans, is to share our water. So, we give a ladle to our partner, our kids, our job, our friends, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, and providing. Basically, in anything we do in life, we are ladling out water. 

Suddenly, we realize we don’t have a lot of water left. So we start giving small amounts from our ladle, feeling like we are only doing a half-good job at everything we do. Then all of a sudden, we are anxious, stressed, and scrapping at the bottom. Because everyone is still asking for us, but we have nothing to give. Our anxiety rises as we keep scrapping, continuing to try to keep up the pace we always have, our hearts race, and we might be sweating, but we keep trying! 

What we really need to do is stop.

Reduce Stress & Anxiety With Self-care

We need to stop trying to ladle what’s not there. We cannot give what we do not have. But we do the things we need to do because we want to/have to/need to. However, we can’t just stop what we are doing! But if we don’t, we will experience burnout (a whole other topic worth looking into at another time), and that’s not good because we stop functioning in a healthy manner. Sometimes we stop functioning at all (that’s basically holes in your bucket that you can’t fix right then).

How do we avoid this? By filling our bucket!  Or (wait for it)….SELF-CARE!

We must do things that fill our buckets so that we can continue living the life we want, and need, in a healthy manner. It’s okay that we ladle out water, in fact, doing so may bring us joy and the satisfaction of accomplishment. However, we cannot keep things up that only take water. We must take time to fill the bucket back up, too.

Image of a person looking out at a lake. Our Bozeman counselors can help with therapy for stress in Bozeman, MT 59715. It's a great first step in starting self-care. Call and talk to a therapist in Bozeman, MT 59718. Reach out in Montana now!

Self-care is Filling Your Bucket

How do we fill our buckets? I wish that were a one-size-fits-all answer. If you want to get to the place that you are, as my kids say, “living your best life,” you’ve got to decide what your self-care, your bucket filling, looks like.

It might be like what we see in the movies. A spa day and no responsibilities.  I would like to say that is a regular for me, but I am failing in watering myself that way.

For you, it might be connection/community, space/time alone, enjoyed activities, seeing a therapist in Bozeman (I might be biased about this one, but it’s a great way to help fill your bucket), or a number of other things.  There are all the classroom answers: Eat right, sleep right, take a break/trip, exercise, meditate. But there are more, so many more! Do you know what yours are?

All Areas of Our Life Benefit from Self-care

Image of a woman laying on a fur rug. A Bozeman counselor can help fill your bucket. We care about your mental health in Bozeman, MT 59718. Speak to a therapist about therapy for stress and self-care in Bozeman, MT 59715.

Think of a car headed down the road. If one of the tires is flat, it’s not going too far, too fast.  Those tires can be your self-care tires. Emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental health. Most things fit into those categories. What things do you need to you to keep your tires full in the four areas?

Final Thoughts on Self-care From A Therapist in Bozeman

I challenge you to start a list. The list can look like things you know you like to do, and things you want to try. Then do it!  I’d love to hear about your experiences. I think the first thing on my list will be the spa/no responsibility day.  I can already hear my bucket filling!

Start Self-care With Therapy For Stress in Bozeman, MT

As a Bozman counselor, mom, friend, and wife I understand how hard it is to help others when your bucket is empty. Self-care is an important part of supporting mental health and filling our own buckets. At our Bozeman, MT-based therapy office we offer therapy for stress to help you on your self-care journey. Just follow these three steps:

  1. Reach out to make a therapy appointment online

  2. Meet with one of our Bozeman counselors

  3. Start filling your bucket with self-care

Our Workshops, Mental Health Resources, and Therapies in Bozeman, MT

In our Bozeman, MT therapy office, we strive to support your mental health needs. Our dedicated team of therapists in Bozeman, MT is here to support you. We provide therapy for addiction, group therapy, EMDR, and trauma therapy. As well as couples counseling, postpartum support, depression treatment, rising strong workshops, and more. We look forward to hearing from you!

...Experience of the Loving Kindness Meditation

A BOZEMAN COUNSELOR’S EXPERIENCE OF THE LOVING KINDNESS MEDICATION

Loving kindness meditation uses words, images, and feelings to evoke a loving kindness and friendliness toward oneself and others. With each recitation of the phrases, we are expressing an intention, planting the seeds of loving wishes over and over in our heart. With a loving heart as the background, all that we attempt, all that we encounter will open and flow easily.

Begin with yourself. Breathe gently, and recite inwardly the following traditional phrases directed to your own well-being. You begin with yourself because without loving yourself it is almost impossible to love others. When you feel you have established some stronger sense of lovingkindness for yourself, you can then expand your meditation to include others.

May I be filled with lovingkindness.
May I be safe from inner and outer dangers. May I be well in body and mind.
May I be at ease and happy.
-Jack Kornfield

My experience with lovingkindness meditation thus far has been a complicated one. My initial perspective was that I was offering others love and care byway of my own internal reserves. In my mind this had the implication that by offering goodness to others, the goodwill would automatically be reciprocated towards myself. I struggled to come up with good intentions in which to offer myself. It’s as if my mind would go blank when asked to direct the intention inward. It was when I was sitting across from a partner that the words came most easily to me: “may you be loved as your whole self in your truest form”. It dawned on me that this was exactly what I longed for so desperately. It never occurred to me before then that I had the capacity to offer this to myself. A reading that gave me great clarity around this is in The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, where Germer describes personality styles and how these differences effect how we interpret lovingkindness practice. I identified with the survivor, especially with the first question being: do you feel as though you don’t deserve love and attention? In reading that felt validated in my struggle to extend kindness towards myself when my prior conditioning taught me that I wasn’t worthy of it (Germer, pg. 201). Germer also speaks to the idea that as a survivor, opening your heart often leads to “backdraft” which can bring up profoundly painful repressed memories (Germer, pg. 150-151). This is an intense experience I had as I first began my lovingkindness practice by picturing my child self.

A misconception that I initially held about lovingkindness work was that it was only a practice in comforting the self with compassion. Lately, my self-compassion has taken on a fiery quality. I can feel this anger beginning to stir inside me. It’s as though in my process of opening, I am finding justified anger under the sadness that I never felt entitled to expressing.

This softening towards myself is revealing power I believed to have been taken from me forever. I have found that the way I offer myself love doesn’t only have to be kind and sweet. I can show up for myself with scorching fury over mistreatment I never allowed myself to be angry about. I am filled with both love and rage simultaneously. With self-compassion I can foster acceptance towards both experiences. It is with this understanding that I now realize the two don’t cancel each other out.

Reference:
Germer, C. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion. New York: The Guilford Press