THE BASICS OF ATTACHMENT THEORY BY A BOZEMAN THERAPIST
Discussions around attachment theory have been emerging frequently in my work with clients recently and I’ve realized that it’s a new concept to many people. There has been extensive research on attachment theory and several counseling theories grounded in attachment theory, all underscoring how fundamental it is to how we exist and interact with others. I thought it could be helpful to distill some basics of the theory.
Firstly, what is attachment?
Attachment is often described as the capacity to form and maintain healthy emotional relationships which generally begin to develop in early childhood. John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment research, notes that attachment is the result of innate, interrelated human predispositions for infants to seek the attention of adults.
It can be thought of as an enduring bond with a special person which creates security and safety in the context of the relationship, including soothing and comfort. Humans, especially infants, rely on “attachment figures” for protection, comfort, and emotional regulation. There are systematic differences in attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant) dependent on early experiences in an individual’s life. As Bowlby notes attachment applies “from cradle to grave.”
The Core of Attachment Theory
As outlined by Sue Johnson the core tenants of attachment theory are:
The longing for a felt sense of connection is a primary need especially when threatened. Isolation is inherently traumatizing, it primes helplessness.
Safe haven connection calms the nervous system and creates emotional balance. Distress is framed as manageable in that context.
Balance in attachment confers a coherent, articulated positive sense of self, enabling a congruent expression of needs.
The felt sense of secure base prime sense of competence, autonomy - effective dependency.
Accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement define the quality of a bond.
Separation distress is primed when a secure connection is lost and will lead to protest, clinging, despair, and then eventually detachment.
Key interactions are held in mental models of self and others. Expectations, Biases, beliefs, and procedural strategies are a part of those memories. What is experienced becomes reality itself.
Individuals with secure attachment styles can acknowledge needs, send clear coherent messages, reach out, take in care, and give out care.
There is a predictable pattern of insecure attachment:
Anxious - fight, hyperarousal, high needs, vigilant.
Avoidant - flee, hypoarousal, minimize need, connection.
Fearful - Avoidant, flip between the above. Other is a source of both solace/fear.
Strategies can be adaptive or become styles, often habitual, rigid, generalized, and constraining.
Insecurity is a risk factor for almost all problems in adaptation.
Adult attachment is reciprocal, held in cognitive representations, sexual, and caretaking.
So what? How Does This Affect Relationship Problems?
Many of us emerge from childhood with insecure attachment styles which can cause relationship problems throughout life. The attachment styles can be understood through the lens of strategies we had used to try and manage emotions or get our needs met as children. Often children who had unreliable or absent caregivers will develop insecure attachment strategies. Learning more about our attachment styles and the common tendencies within them can be a helpful first step for ourselves.
Studies demonstrate that having someone to rely on helps our nervous system relax, helps our brain stay healthier for longer, and reduces both emotional as well as physical pain. We know that some benefits of secure attachment include reduced need for defensive self-protection, lower blood pressure, lower cortisol levels, more rapid emotional recovery from stressful tasks, increased resilience, and increased self-worth.
With A Therapist & Relationship Counseling, There is Hope
The beautiful part of what we know about attachment is that we are able to continue to grow and heal our strategies throughout our adult life. This work is often done in close relationships with others such as a partner, or even a therapist. As we create new experiences of feeling safe and cared for, we can learn how to relate more securely to ourselves and others. Which is one of the goals of building stronger partnerships in relationship counseling.
Are You Ready to Start Relationship Counseling and Address Your Attachment Style in Bozeman, MT?
Do you think your attachment style is affecting your relationships with people? This is something that you can heal from with support from a Bozeman therapist. If you have relationships you would like to repair and make stronger Bridger Peaks Counseling can help with relationship counseling. Start relationship therapy by following these simple steps:
Learn what your attachment style is and how it is affecting your relationship problems
Start healing and repairing your relationship
Other Therapy Services We Offer in Bozeman, Montana
The caring counselors at Bridger Peaks Counseling provide several mental health services. Whether you’re in need of adult counseling, teen counseling, group therapy, rising strong workshops, or marriage counseling, we can help. Furthermore, we provide anxiety therapy, depression treatment, substance use counseling, and online grief counseling. Along with EMDR, trauma therapy, postpartum depression support, body image therapy, and psychiatric care. And, all of our services are accessible using online therapy in Montana.
